Monday, July 29, 2013

Discouragements in Hanging Out: Pushing

Your friend is going through a hard time.  There are perhaps some life updates that you are really eager to know.  You want the dish, you want the scoop.  Or you want to put in your two scents, your advice,  your what have you.  There is space for input from friends, it is undoubtedly valuable.  However, sometimes people just want to hang out.  They made this time for you in their life to do something together and perhaps they don't want to discuss in detail what is wrong in their lives but rather take  a break from it (with you).  So a simple "How are you?" suffices and if you are really concerned you can follow up with a simple "How are things going with ______?".  But don't push it and don't force it, causing unneeded strain on their already perhaps taxed heart and mind.  They know you are for them and will open up when they desire to.

I am reluctant to think of hanging out as some sort of break from the norm, a special treat.  Philosophically I feel every single moment of your life is important, your entire life a series of special hangs.  However, some moments that should be held with some reverence-moments meant as much needed breaks and moments of relaxation from what ails us. Be sure to create them for yourself and your co-humans.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

People to Hang Out With: PIC

Bathroom graffiti at Red Lantern Bicycles in Brooklyn, NY.

Always down for whatever, never any need to navigate conversations, PIC is the person you can silently chill with, the person you can be a dork with, the person you can climb a roof top with and who is generally down for whatever.  Partner in Crime (PIC) is the individual who has come out forefront in your life as the creme de la creme of hang out buddies.  PIC's are not the average social associate.  I developed this moniker with a boyfriend from my early twenties - while it may have been cheating cos we were actually partners not just partners in crime but in all fairness we were partners in crime in that we actually committed crimes together.  Petty but crimes nonetheless.

You know how you have the friends you go to brunch with?  The friends you meet in the afternoon for coffee with?  Or the friends you talk about your "career" with?  This is not that friend.  This friend is who you get wasted with at noon.  Who suggests that you hop a fence that goes down an obscure looking path.  Who you lie around with in your underwear.  You take naps together. You cook together.  You plan obscure adventures together. They are who you hang out with when you absolutely won't hang out with anyone else.  You don't talk about bullshit with one another and you share cigarettes seamlessly and without interruption.  I like to think the PIC has access to your darkest and surliest and your brightest and cuddliest.  You rove together on this earth like you have been doing it for a hundred years.  You know exactly who this friend is to you, now go write them a love letter.