Florida Not Wedding Part 1

Returned from Florida feeling inexplicably and overwhelmingly bummed.  Certainly not from what I experienced down there. The not wedding of two of my closest friends was profoundly touching.  Particularly because of their effort to include all their family and friends in the importance of their/our connections.  Standing shin deep in Fish Eating Creek with babies, punks,hippies, anarchists, regular ass folks, and old folks, the couple invited everyone to proclaim what they were committed to.  Statements of commitments to each other as chosen family, living our lives as we want unapologetically and the defense of wild spaces was met with tears and nodding heads.

Location of the ceremony part of the not wedding (stolen pic, will have ones from my time there soon)

Weekends spent bonding with friends I consider family, I always hope will provide me some sort of emo-fuel to sustain myself but it usually has the opposite effect where I wonder how the fuck I get through my day to day without each and every one of them.  Sadness overwhelmed me as I slipped off my back pack and plopped on my couch to begin scouring work emails. After 2 1/2 years I am scheming to leave New York and for anyone who knows me 2 1/2 years is quite the run.  I really really was hoping that NYC, which I fell so hard for would be the space that would keep me grounded and comfortable.  But alas I have been flying out a lot in the last few months and it would seem the only thing that keeps me content is motion.  By foot, bike, car, bus, plane the feeling of perpetual forward motion is my high. These next few months of planning my escape will provide me high levels of dopamine, possibly inducing mouth drooling from excitement. The only time my heart feels completely at ease is with the pull of a pack against my shoulders, and everything I could possibly need resting against my back.  Also freedom in motion allows me to see who I want when I want, which has recently gained prominent importance to me once again. Seems likely that at some point I hope to join up with a nomadic crew where moving is always an option.  The only thing about this that concerns me is a doubt of what I am building.  Am I running away or towards? Who am I and what is my community? My best friend, will often ask me,"What the hell is wrong with us?" because her life also entails of dreaming what her next location will be.  I don't think there is anything wrong with us, this was just our destined path.  And when you are standing in the middle of a creek in a swamp with at least twenty people you have been friends with for nearly fourteen years, evidence doesn't suggest you should be too concerned about lacking community and your ability to build something lasting and real.

Please visit the Save Our Creeks website http://www.saveourcreeks.org/, if anything to see more pictures of the amazing place I got to spend my time this past weekend.  The organization is dedicated to preserving small water ways in South Florida.