As the years go by I have grown increasingly agitated and bummed out if you will by gossip. I will be happily hanging out drinking, enjoying some fresh air and one sentence out of someone's mouth will send me tumbling down. Defined as "idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others", gossip can change the air from light hearted to slightly tense in a second. The prior second you loved everyone in the room and the next, hate everyone on the planet. Never have I been involved in hanging out that ends in a gossipy tale and leave that moment feeling gratified or that I had truly spent those moments in my life in the most valuable way.
I use to be wary of critique of gossip because it invariably had a sexist slant to it. Gossip is pegged as the world of women and conversations by women are trivial and trivial because they entail the discussion of such "trivial topics" such as emotions, feelings, and sharp critique of the actions of others. One can say that gossip provides valuable information in social circles which it does, let's say for example providing information if someone has a history of sexual assault which I have seen this transfer of info trivialized by people as tagging it as gossip. But we all know that information about a person's possible abusive past is not gossip and it is not "idle talk" but protective and valuable information (and there is a couth in distributing this information to those who will benefit from it).
An aspect of gossip that really gets me, being a girl that runs in multiple circles but circles that are nonetheless tied to each other somehow is when someone says something about someone I really care about or I am getting queried for inappropriate info about someone I really care about. What aggravates me in this moment the most is that when this happens the blow is to two not just one because it 1) shows lack of respect for the individual being discussed and 2) shows lack of respect for your love for that individual.
Usually when I try to discuss this topic with friends, people feel uncomfortable having participated in it so will try to justify it with saying it is harmless, is just for entertainment, and doesn't account for much. But I am a hippie and at the end of the day truly believe that the bullshit that comes out of our mouths goes out into the air and is just hanging out in the universe bumming everyone out. If we are who we say we are, desirers of creating an alternate and better world, breaking traditions and expectations in every other part of our life, why stick with this one? There is a difference in sharing info from a good place and from a janky place. Let's not argue technicalities or semantics, you know when you are gossiping in the shit way because the air feels heavy, smells stank and you don't feel right. Sharing funny stories or concern for friends with one another is not the same so let's not pretend it is.
I use to be wary of critique of gossip because it invariably had a sexist slant to it. Gossip is pegged as the world of women and conversations by women are trivial and trivial because they entail the discussion of such "trivial topics" such as emotions, feelings, and sharp critique of the actions of others. One can say that gossip provides valuable information in social circles which it does, let's say for example providing information if someone has a history of sexual assault which I have seen this transfer of info trivialized by people as tagging it as gossip. But we all know that information about a person's possible abusive past is not gossip and it is not "idle talk" but protective and valuable information (and there is a couth in distributing this information to those who will benefit from it).
An aspect of gossip that really gets me, being a girl that runs in multiple circles but circles that are nonetheless tied to each other somehow is when someone says something about someone I really care about or I am getting queried for inappropriate info about someone I really care about. What aggravates me in this moment the most is that when this happens the blow is to two not just one because it 1) shows lack of respect for the individual being discussed and 2) shows lack of respect for your love for that individual.
Usually when I try to discuss this topic with friends, people feel uncomfortable having participated in it so will try to justify it with saying it is harmless, is just for entertainment, and doesn't account for much. But I am a hippie and at the end of the day truly believe that the bullshit that comes out of our mouths goes out into the air and is just hanging out in the universe bumming everyone out. If we are who we say we are, desirers of creating an alternate and better world, breaking traditions and expectations in every other part of our life, why stick with this one? There is a difference in sharing info from a good place and from a janky place. Let's not argue technicalities or semantics, you know when you are gossiping in the shit way because the air feels heavy, smells stank and you don't feel right. Sharing funny stories or concern for friends with one another is not the same so let's not pretend it is.
I hate to get all moral but I can't help it, it's kinda my shtick but I will never bring up anything that I am not myself personally working on.
to say this was well written would be an understatement.
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